Topic: Even the ESRB is disgusted with Dead or Alive Paradise

You’re welcome to enjoy your own private paradise in the palm of your hand with Tecmo’s Dead or Alive Paradise. Just be aware that some people find the game’s content a bit creepy. Including the person who wrote the content description for the ESRB.

“This is a video game in which users watch grown women dressed in G-string bikinis jiggle their breasts while on a two-week vacation,” the ESRB description reads. “Women’s breasts and butts will sway while playing volleyball, while hopping across cushions, while pole dancing, while posing on the ground, by the pool, on the beach, in front of the camera.”

We could quote this whole thing (and we will, after the break), but we really wanted to call your attention to this part: “Parents and consumers should know that the game contains a fair amount of “cheesy,” and at times, creepy voyeurism,” the ESRB notes with the most open disapproval we’ve ever seen in one of these things. It continues, “but the game also contains bizarre, misguided notions of what women really want (if given two weeks, paid vacation, island resort)-Paradise cannot mean straddling felled tree trunks in dental-floss thongs.” This is the most entertaining ESRB rating ever. Why isn’t whoever writes these things ever this upset about graphic violence?